20/SEP/2018 Apollo Hospital, Chennai

(20/SEP/2018 Apollo Hospital, Chennai) Today morning also Guru Maharaja had a endoscopy and they did three clamping inside to stop and control the bleeding. And, after week they will remove it said brother Robert.

And they took Guru Maharaja to Operation theatre and made heart line for his dialysis. When I reached ICU Maha Puran Prabhu said about it. And then, I was waiting in ICU for Guru Maharaja to come back. In ten mins time, they brought Guru Maharaja back to his ICU room. He was sedated. Along with brother Robert and Akil we changed Guru Maharaja's cloth which got dirt of medicines and blood. Since he was sedated and he was recovering from his sedation - we tried do it very cautiously. And I also cleaned his eyes and out gel and made him relax.

After 15mins Guru Maharaja woke up. And I explained to him what and all happened. And I said, next 24 hrs (until tomorrow morning) doctors said, you can't gave even water. It is 24 hrs fast. And today is Ekadasi and they are making you to fast forcibly. Then Guru Maharaj said, "They are giving an opportunity to do nirjala." And he laughed. I got little emotional, and said, "By seeing your sufferings, I am losing my faith on the almighty Lord. But, you are sincerely trying to please Srila Prabhupada and fighting for it. Because of you, I am also accepting." And started to cry. Guru Maharaja couldn't take it. He started to hold my hand, and trying to say things, but not able to understand him as he is under ventilator support. I said, "Sorry, couldn't control myself."

Guru Maharaja, was not ready to accept my statement. He said, "Bring alphabet chart!" Then I got it, and he touched, "K-E-E-P A-M-A" I couldn't understand, what is this "A-M-A" but Guru Maharaj was keep on saying the same. "A-M-A" I said, "Guru Maharaj's, please relax. When they give you speaking valve - that time we can speak about it." But Guru Maharaja was not ready to listen to me. Then he typed again, "Always Maya Away" that is "A-M-A".

So, I understood that, Guru Maharaja couldn't accept that his disciple saying that, he is losing faith on Krishna. So, he is considering that as Maya. So, he said, " Keep Always Maya Away!" Then, I said, "Okay!"

Guru Maharaja said again, "S-B" I said, "Srimad Bhagavatam" and then the touched "1" I asked "Canto One?" He said, "No!" Then he said, "Read One chapter from Srimad Bhagavatam for me minimum, everyday."

And he said, "K-A-M-A" is possible by "SB-1".

So I decoded the code: " Keep Always Maya Away by reading minimum one chapter of Srimad Bhagavatam." It is an instruction for me or for the whole world? Guru Maharaja just gave his gesture as for everyone.

And, Guru Maharaja said, read for me. I asked him, "Guru Maharaja which canto would you like to listen?" He said, any one your choice.

I selected 6th canto 11th Chapter Vitrasura's glories. After reading around 15 verses with purport. Guru Maharaja was in ecstasy hearing the narration of Vitrasura, and his attack on Airavata - the elephant carrier of Lord Indra.

Then, Guru Maharaja said, "Read all the chapter titles." And then he said read from 3rd Chapter "Yamaraja Instructing his messengers". Guru Maharaj was happy and joyful to listen to every verse. When Yamudutas utter the word Narayana in front Yamaraja - he was very happy. And Guru Maharaja also very happy to hear and jubilant. I was reading until 13th verse, due to tiredness Guru Maharaja fell a sleep." So, I stopped there.

He wants to deliver me from the offense of doubting the Lord. So, he made me read this chapter. He is very much cautious in every step. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika dasa)