11/OCT/2018 - Chennai, India

(11/OCT/2018 - Chennai, India) Two days back Guru Maharaja was watching television and in between there was an ad and that program was sponsored by FOOD PANDA. So through out the program, their ad was coming... So after sometime, Guru Maharaja asked, "What is that Food Panda?" Then we said, it is like Swiggy, Zomato, Uber Eats - as such that is also one app, which are connected with many restaurants. When we order they will deliver at home, like Dominos." Then, Guru Maharaja asked Tulasi Prema Krishna Prabhu, "Is Suddha-sattva (our ISKCON restaurant in Chennai) connected with this app? Can we order Prasadam online?" Guru Maharaja was excited... And Tulasi Pr said, "No, Guru Maharaja it is not connected." Then Guru Maharaja said, "Ask them to connect." Next night, when he came Guru Maharaja asked him, "Is Suddha-sattva connected to Food Panda?" He said, "I forgot to inform them." Then today Guru Maharaja again asked, "Have they connected with Food Panda?" Then, he replied, "Yes! Guru Maharaja they are in the process to register." Guru Maharaja said, "I want to see our restaurants connected with these food apps." 

Tonight, Guru Maharaja was spending time with Tulasi Pr and asking him what are the offers in amazon. And what mobiles are now in the market? And Tulasi Pr was explaining one by one. And Guru Maharaja asked what is my mobile model, Lenovo? How to upgrade it, etc. Then we gave his rest, but Guru Maharaja was asking many questions regarding this mobiles. And we were also not able to understand him, as he was already falling into sleep, but still asking questions. Then, to change the topic - I asked Guru Maharaja - can we invite His Holiness Bhanu Swami Maharaja for lunch with you Guru Maharaj. Then, he asked is he in station? Tulasi Pr said, Bhanu Maharaja may leave in three four days, so can we invite him tomorrow, Guru Maharaja said, "Tomorrow I am going to the hospital." So we will ask Maha Varaha Pr and invite him on Sunday, so that Guru Maharaja will be happy to chat with him during lunch.

And, Sarvajaya Madhava Pr sent some of the bi-pap masks photos - so we were showing those to Guru Maharaja and Guru Maharaja was telling which one he need, etc. Guru Maharaja asked to send a picture of what Guru Maharaja has with him.

So, like this night shift began... Now Guru Maharaja sleeping... Whenever he wakes up in between - immediately he starts to chant Hare Krishna Maha Mantra and clicks on his counter.

Before his dinner - Guru Maharaja spoke for 18 mins. A small talk, and we recorded it. It was not broadcasted live. As it is all we are trailing out and checking his speech ability, without any strain... Guru Maharaja doing good. Today, Akarsaka Caitanya Pr had a little tough-time in the beginning to understand Guru Maharaja. Then later he picked it up.

Guru Maharaja made an invitation to all the devotees to get ready and prepare their trip to Mayapur for Gaura Purnima Festival - book their rooms in advance to witness the wonderful Maha Abhisekam of Sri Sri Panca-tattva. Also, made an invitation for devotees to take part in Mayapur's Kartika Parikramas. He described about Asta Krosa Parikrama. It was very enlivening. We will publish this video from Archives on Sunday Morning. 

I forgot, when Guru Maharaja was talking to Tulasi Pr he said to him, "Teach Syama Rasika, and other servants - how to use Swiggy, Food Panda. So that, I can order sometime through this app from Suddha-sattva. As sometimes, when I was in the ICU - there they are not giving me Prasadam to eat. So, I can order it through Food Panda." 

Didn't write diaries for long time. But, will try to keep some small diaries for my future memories. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika Dasa)

20/SEP/2018 Apollo Hospital, Chennai

(20/SEP/2018 Apollo Hospital, Chennai) Today morning also Guru Maharaja had a endoscopy and they did three clamping inside to stop and control the bleeding. And, after week they will remove it said brother Robert.

And they took Guru Maharaja to Operation theatre and made heart line for his dialysis. When I reached ICU Maha Puran Prabhu said about it. And then, I was waiting in ICU for Guru Maharaja to come back. In ten mins time, they brought Guru Maharaja back to his ICU room. He was sedated. Along with brother Robert and Akil we changed Guru Maharaja's cloth which got dirt of medicines and blood. Since he was sedated and he was recovering from his sedation - we tried do it very cautiously. And I also cleaned his eyes and out gel and made him relax.

After 15mins Guru Maharaja woke up. And I explained to him what and all happened. And I said, next 24 hrs (until tomorrow morning) doctors said, you can't gave even water. It is 24 hrs fast. And today is Ekadasi and they are making you to fast forcibly. Then Guru Maharaj said, "They are giving an opportunity to do nirjala." And he laughed. I got little emotional, and said, "By seeing your sufferings, I am losing my faith on the almighty Lord. But, you are sincerely trying to please Srila Prabhupada and fighting for it. Because of you, I am also accepting." And started to cry. Guru Maharaja couldn't take it. He started to hold my hand, and trying to say things, but not able to understand him as he is under ventilator support. I said, "Sorry, couldn't control myself."

Guru Maharaja, was not ready to accept my statement. He said, "Bring alphabet chart!" Then I got it, and he touched, "K-E-E-P A-M-A" I couldn't understand, what is this "A-M-A" but Guru Maharaj was keep on saying the same. "A-M-A" I said, "Guru Maharaj's, please relax. When they give you speaking valve - that time we can speak about it." But Guru Maharaja was not ready to listen to me. Then he typed again, "Always Maya Away" that is "A-M-A".

So, I understood that, Guru Maharaja couldn't accept that his disciple saying that, he is losing faith on Krishna. So, he is considering that as Maya. So, he said, " Keep Always Maya Away!" Then, I said, "Okay!"

Guru Maharaja said again, "S-B" I said, "Srimad Bhagavatam" and then the touched "1" I asked "Canto One?" He said, "No!" Then he said, "Read One chapter from Srimad Bhagavatam for me minimum, everyday."

And he said, "K-A-M-A" is possible by "SB-1".

So I decoded the code: " Keep Always Maya Away by reading minimum one chapter of Srimad Bhagavatam." It is an instruction for me or for the whole world? Guru Maharaja just gave his gesture as for everyone.

And, Guru Maharaja said, read for me. I asked him, "Guru Maharaja which canto would you like to listen?" He said, any one your choice.

I selected 6th canto 11th Chapter Vitrasura's glories. After reading around 15 verses with purport. Guru Maharaja was in ecstasy hearing the narration of Vitrasura, and his attack on Airavata - the elephant carrier of Lord Indra.

Then, Guru Maharaja said, "Read all the chapter titles." And then he said read from 3rd Chapter "Yamaraja Instructing his messengers". Guru Maharaj was happy and joyful to listen to every verse. When Yamudutas utter the word Narayana in front Yamaraja - he was very happy. And Guru Maharaja also very happy to hear and jubilant. I was reading until 13th verse, due to tiredness Guru Maharaja fell a sleep." So, I stopped there.

He wants to deliver me from the offense of doubting the Lord. So, he made me read this chapter. He is very much cautious in every step. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika dasa)

30/AUG/2018 Stanley Hospital, Chennai)

(30/AUG/2018 STANLEY HOSPITAL, CHENNAI) Today I and Akarshaka Caitanya Prabhu in morning shift. As I am staying in ISKCON Perambur temple, it took some time to reach Stanley. And I entered ICU and Brother Vinoth was there. We started to give spongee (giving a bath with wet tissues or cotton). Guru Maharaja was just silent, looks like he was in his deep meditation. We were turning him left and right to clean his body. We know it will be painful, but we have to do it.

Then Vinoth started open the bandages, which are on top of the stitches, everyday morning they do this. It was a big L shape cut and it got stitched. I was just holding Guru Maharaja's left hand for some moral support. As Guru Maharaja was not able to tolerate the pain - when they started to clean. I was not able to tolerate the pain of seeing Guru Maharaja in pain. He was squeezing my hands in pain. My eyes couldn't resist to cry. My heart beat went up high. Felt that, I may faint. But, was tolerating so much. Finally, after completing the whole dressing I just came out to breathe some fresh air, it ten mins to com down myself. I took a sterrlium liquid and smelled it to get out of this, slowly felt that we are becoming stone hearted to see all these. When it started to melt, not able to bare the pain.

And I played His Holiness Radhanatha Swami Maharaja's video to Guru Maharaj, and Guru Maharaj was listening to each and every word that Maharaja was speaking. And tears were rolling down from his eyes. And he removed the sheets and joined his palms and lifted up to his hands up to his forehead and offered his pranams to Maharaja.

Then we made him sit on the wheel chair and started to feed his breakfast. He took kitchidi 50% then Guru Maharaja said, "I need salt!" Then we sent Amrta Madhava Prabhu to get salt. Meanwhile, I just played His Grace Bhavananda Prabhu's talk on Srila Prabhupada's Vyasa-puja day program in Mayapur. And Guru Maharaja was listening to it. Then he finished his Prasadam and went to bed.

I left the ICU and came out. I said to Akarshaka Pr to be there inside, and I will be outside, if you need my help, I will come in. I was not able to see Guru Maharaja in pain.

I felt, why not be an ordinary person - wait for the report everyday. And read it, and pray for Guru Maharaja and live a life like that. Being next to him - seeing his sufferings and pain and being helpless and saying to Guru Maharaja, "Please tolerate, nothing! Just one min!" How many times, we have to say this word? How much he can tolerate? His dedication to Srila Prabhupada and fighting with all these pains to overcome and live to fulfill all the instructions that he received from Prabhupada is amazing. No one can imagine - all of Srila Prabhupada's disciples are stars - Guru Maharaja is the Moon among those stars. I know, Guru Maharaja won't be happy with this statement. But, seeing all these being next to him, at least we can say this.

I don't know what sin I did to see my Guru suffering in front of my own eyes. And I don't know what kind of mercy is this, that I am here with him and serving him at this critical time.

Just keeping this for my record. So, by reading this I will follow his instructions as my life and soul. It is not so easy to serve him. Krishna directly running this show.

Guru Maharaja said, "When a sandal wood get grind-ed its smell will come out. When a gold get melted - the glitter will come out. When a devotee suffer his glories will come out." So, Krishna put Vaisnavas in such a suffering; that their life will become an inspiration for many people to take up Krishna Conscious and to sustain their Krishna consciousness. The whole Bhagavatam is about different devotees' extreme sufferings and their determination and firm devotion in the Lord. Future Bhagavatam will speak about Srila Prabhupada - and there will be a big chapter for Guru Maharaja in the Canto of ISKCON. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika Dasa)

23/APR/2018 - Global Hospital, Chennai

(23/APR/2018 - Global Hospital, Chennai) I felt that, by seeing Guru Maharaja going to ICU. And being helpless. Something like my heart has become stone.

When they were doing some teats, I was there and helping - they were taking blood, Guru Maharaja was suffering, and I was wiping blood. Felt that, I am really become stone hearted. Feel like running away, leaving all these, it is extremely painful to see Guru Maharajs in front my eyes, suffering and you can't help him.

That time I thought - I don't know where will I go in my next life and suffer for being present in this situation. When, he say, "Help! Help!" We couldn't do anything. I felt, why I accepted him as my Guru; why he accepted me as his disciple? Why am I came in contact with this personality? I was asking like this many questions. He was not 100% conscious. When I was thinking this way, suddenly he grabbed my hand very tightly. When I saw, him - his eyes were closed and head was down, and trying to take his oxygen, and no response. But, his hold was tight. It was like answering back to my thoughts, "You may think thousands - but, I am holding you!" I still believe that the Supreme Lord will listen to our prayers and allow our Guru Maharajs to be with us with his complete health.

Just typing these lines sitting outside the ICU. (Personal diary - Syama Rasika dasa)

23/APR/2018 - Health Report by Maha Varaha dasa

Dear God-family; disciples and well-wishers of Guru Maharaja 

Please accept our humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

After admitting Guru Maharaj in the ICU at 7 pm last night, he had difficulties in breathing with his own effort, so with the concern of all the doctors he was intubated (on ventilator support) in the middle of the night.

That helped him to stabilise his parameters and he slept well throughout the night. At about 9 in the morning they started weaning him off the ventilator. So now Guru Maharaj is breathing on his own. 

In the past it was a big challenge for Guru Maharaj to breath on his own post extubation though right now he is doing relatively fine. So we humbly request devotees to keep praying sincerely and intensely so that Guru Maharaj could overcome this great challenge. 

Other vital parameters are stable and satisfying. Fever has subsided. He is conscious. We are waiting for the investigation report to come. He is still in the ICU, where he will be kept for the next 24 hours for close observation.

Just now Guru Maharaj has started chanting his rounds.

On behalf of Guru Maharaja’s Health Team & JPS Seva Committee, 

Maha Varaha Das

21/APR/2018 - Chennai, India

(21/APR/2018 - Chennai) In my last diary few things I forgot to mention, now I remembered. When Guru Maharaj met Vraja Gauranga Prabhu, and he requested Guru Maharaj to come to Brisbane - whenever his health permits. Then, Guru Maharaj immediately asked Maha Varaha Prabhu, "Meanwhile, we wait here for Liver - why don't we go from here to Malaysia and be there for some time, and then go to Australia and come back?" And Maha Varaha Prabhu also was seriously thinking about that proposal. As from Chennai it is less than 4 hrs. So Guru Maharaj always ready to travel and preach in any condition of his health.

And I got an opportunity talk with Guru Maharaj last evening... And Guru Maharaj asked about Archives, and his Publication department, about their maintenance, funds, etc. He gave some instruction on Caitanya Book. And he was very much worried about Western devotees who are staying Mayapur especially about their Prasadam, as the cost of the Prasadam is not affordable for the residence western devotees and also, it is all spicy. And I was discussing about the plan of "Vaisnava Seva" - feeding Vaisnavas for free or minimum charge. And Guru Maharaj was very much encouraging, and he said, "Food should not be an anxiety, in Mayapur devotees should do devotional service without anxiety." And was discussing different things about it. And when Maha Varaha Prabhu heard this, he was very wanted to start as soon as possible in Mayapur and feed vaisnavas.

Today also, we joined in our afternoon shift. I was feeding Guru Maharaj, he was not able to eat, he was feeling very full. And he took two Capatis. Another day, he asked Prasanna Prabhu to prepare Pasta and he took pasta. Guru Maharaj said, it taste something to eat. Like this he was not feeling any appetite to eat. And somehow we manage to feed him with Subji, etc., still Guru Maharaj was not able to take.

And we made him to rest. And i told him, please take nice rest. So that evening you can give class energetically. But, in the evening Guru Maharaj didn't wake up. Normally Guru Maharaj won't sleep more than 1:30hrs. But today he was too tired that, he slept until 6:30pm. And he woke up, but still was laying on the bed. We told Guru Maharaj that, you can wake up at 7:15pm. So, please take rest. But, he couldn't sleep. Today also, I got a chance to speak with Guru Maharaj.

I asked him to shed light on his projects and his desires about how those project should go. And what is the mission and vision of Guru Maharaj's each and every project. And how disciples and followers of Guru Maharaj can take part and complete it in present or in future. Guru Maharaj, said, he will talk on his projects and vision. Then he talked about Caitanya book and Gaura Mandala Darshan Book.

Then he said, "Srila Prabhupada told me to take care of his God-brothers and my god-brothers. But right now: there is no disciple of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura is in this planet. But, I am helping my god-brothers. Same way my disciples also should take care of my Godbrothers - and their Godbrothers."

Like this Guru Maharaj was sharing few things. Then he got up and said, "I want to go and do Arati to Gaura Nitai!" Then Subhanga Govinda Prabhu said, "We will do Gaura Arati today."

And Akarshaka Prabhu came and paid his obeisances. Guru Maharaj saw him and said, "Akarshaka, he is equal to four iron man." And we all laughed. But, Guru Maharaj was very serious - and he said, "He is very strong man, who can eat 100 puchkas." And everyone laughed and Guru Maharaj also laughed. Then Guru Maharaj said, "If we have a war between China and India. Akarshaka will win China in Puchka competition." And we said that, "May be we will setup some puchka stall in the border of Arunacala Pradesh and China and will put Akarshaka Pr there." And Guru Maharaj was laughing and laughing.

Suddenly Guru Maharaj asked, Akarshaka... "So what is your realisation today?" Then he said what he listened today from Srila Prabhupada's lecture - how people are very attached to their body, and they don't want leave their body." Like this, he also explained about few other things, and Guru Maharaj was acting according to his talk and making fun.

Then finally, I said to Guru Maharaj - from East London Aravinda Krishna Prabhu and Yamuneavari Mataji is here to meet you. And immediately Guru Maharaj got up and got ready. And came to the Deity room and offered Arati. Prasanna Gauranga Prabhu sang Gaura Arati and Guru Maharaj did Arati.

And then Guru Maharaj came out and met with the couple. They have Guru Maharaj a report about Bangaladesh Safari and how devotees are very much enthused to go to Bangladesh again. Bhakti-Vriksa Safari. And in this way, they gave report about Bhakti-Vriksa preaching in Europe. Then they also requested Guru Maharaj about Gaura Nitai Deity for Europe preaching. About Nitai Pada Kamala, and Mayapur Candra were explained Guru Maharaj. And how Srila Prabhupada wanted Mayapur Candra in his room for worship.

Then they asked a question about Sraaddha ceremony for departed souls. And Guru Maharaj said, "It is all given in Srila Prabhupada books. And it is depends on Varna." And Maha Varaha Prabhu explained it in detail to them.

Then, they gave report about How Cudamani Mataji organized this year Vyasa-Puja celebrations in London. And she will undergo an open heart surgery - then Guru Maharaj gave a Narasimha Oil for her. Guru Maharaj enquirer about her health, how many blocks etc.

Then there was a discussion about JSSS. Guru Maharaj appreciated Mayapur JSSS very much, that they are doing it every week. And, Aravinda Krishna Pr asked about it, and Guru Maharaj said, "At least once a month disciples should do JSSS." Like this many instructions he gave to them and blessed them. As they are leaving tomorrow back to London.

Then Guru Maharaj went to his room, while going Yamunesvari Mataji asked for some more instructions on Guru Maharaj's projects. Then Guru Maharaj said, "I thought to speak on it today. But, due to my tiredness. I didn't." I also did a recording over phone. Like this the evening went very enlivening in the association of Guru Maharaj. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika Dasa)

20/APR/2018 - Chennai, India

(20/APR/2018 - Chennai, India) Last Night they did tapping and drained few litres of fluid. And today morning Guru Maharaj repeatedly said that, "I want to go back. Get me discharged." Seeing Guru Maharaj's continuous request, and with doctors' permission Guru Maharaj got discharged from the hospital around 12:30pm. And reached 1:30pm. 

And we all were very happy that with 24hrs Guru Maharaj came back from the Hospital. But, Guru Maharaj was very weak and tired, as it is usual after tapping. He took his lunch and went to bed for rest. I was feeding him lunch, it was very much hard to make him chew, and feed him as he was terribly tired.

Shyama Madhusudan Prabhu started to read Caitanya Caritamrita. Which Guru Maharaj said once, "It is my only pain killer!" He started to read about the meeting of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Raya Ramananda and their conversations. It was simply nectar, Guru Maharaj was enjoying to hear the Nectar.

After his lunch, Guru Maharaj went to bed to take his afternoon rest. As he was very tired, Maha Varaha Prabhu said, "Don't wake him up. For next two days there won't be my class, pool exercise, or Physio-therapy. Let Guru Maharaj rest nicely." So we also agreed. It was 6:30pm: Guru Maharaj woke up and asked for time and said, "I want to get down, and I want to go out and give class!" We said, "No! Today is your rest day, you have to recover from this weakness." Guru Maharaj agreed.

But, he said, "I want to go out - and take Gaura Nitai darshan, want to do Arati to Them, and chant my Gayathri." Then we got him ready and Guru Maharaj came and did Arati, Subhanga Govinda Prabhu lead Hare Krishna Maha Mantra kirtan, and Srivasa Pran Prabhu was playing Mridanga. And everyone was happy.

Vraja Gauranga Prabhu from Brisbane came with his future wife to take blessings from Guru Maharaj. Guru Maharaj spent some time with them. He planned his trip to Mayapur - in order to attend Vyasa-Puja and also take Guru Maharaj blessings for his marriage in Mayapur. But, somehow due to the change of venue of Vyasa-Puja festival - he couldn't come to Chennai. And even if he comes during Vyasa-Puja festival. He may not get time to talk with Guru Maharaj.

So, finally he is here to take Guru Maharaj's blessings and go back to Mayapur and get married. He is very senior Vaisnava from Brisbane. He was discussing with Guru Maharaj about the old days on Australia - morning walk, discussions etc. Then Guru Maharaj said, "I used to come to Australia - 4 times in a year."

Then Guru Maharaj gave them blessings for their grihastha life. And the mataji told Guru Maharaj about the Vyasa-Puja celebration that took place in New Govardhan. And Guru Maharaj watched the Guru Puja kirtan in their video. Then they offered a woollen sock for Guru Maharaj. And Guru Maharaj said, "In Chennai, it is too hot summer. But during winter I will use it." Like this Guru Maharaj spent his time with them. I hope that, in their life - they will never forget this 20mins. Then Guru Maharaj took his dinner and went to bed. (Personal Diary - Shyama Rasika Dasa)

4/AUG/2018 - Chennai, India

Guru Maharaja had a wonderful dream and he shared with us. And we recorded and this is the transcript.

Guru Maharaja: [...]Prabhupada somehow he introduced me to Bhakti Siddhanta Sarasvati Thakura and those experience is very ecstatic. I was shaking. Somehow he wanted his followers to be under one banner that's why Prabhupada had made the Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust. We felt like this was the primary thing that he wanted and other things were more like general, his offering to the sampradaya. But this is something which his Spiritual master wanted and being in his association was very spiritually intense and I cant't forget that. I took it that if I get better I have to concentrate on these things some of the unity and diversity of the Sarasvata family. 

Maha Varaha Prabhu: "You felt that intensity? So you saw Bhakti Siddhanta in your dream. And you saw Prabhupada also?

Guru Maharaja: Yes!

Maha Varaha Prabhu: This is amazing. You said you had two dreams. Is this one of them or combined?

Guru Maharaja: The Bhakti Siddhanta and Prabhupada dream was yesterday late night. 

Second dream was this morning:

We were doing some outreach and some Program and two Vaishnavas were setting up an altar. Somehow with that altar there was a play on Rama-lila it was spoken by a monkey who was in the army of Hanuman. He said, "Monkeys don't have so much memory so they could just chant. We can use the method that have people chant even if they don't know what it means." But they can chant and bounce it off that and he was jumping and chanting Rama, chanting the Hare Krsna Mahamantra. His instruction was somehow use the mantra to get the people to chant even if they are not better than monkeys. Then I woke up.

Maha Varaha Prabhu: Nice. Interesting dream. That monkey was in the altar? 

Sometimes he was alive sometimes he was on a tower point. There were twenty five thirty people and they were listening. And i have seen they would go to the other altars after. 

Maha Varaha Prabhu: Fine. Nice dream. The first one is amazing. 

Syama Madhusudana Prabhu: So Bhakti Siddhanta was talking? 

Guru Maharaja: Yeah!

Maha Varaha Prabhu: So only three of you were there in the dream?

Guru Maharaja: Yes!

29/JAN/2018 - Chennai, India

(29/JAN/2018 - Chennai) I was in Coimbatore - Ekadasi day. It was 9:30pm went to bed. I was thinking - whether to attend Sri Nityananda Trayodasi here in Coimbatore temple or go to Chennai and celebrate it along with Guru Maharaj. Suddenly decided that let me go to Chennai, and I said to my parents, they were shocked, and said, "Why you decide now? Suddenly." Somehow pacified them and packed my luggage and left to bus station and got a ticket to Chennai. As it was a long weekend holiday, I got one ticket last corner seat. Somehow, left Coimbatore and reached Chennai by 8am.

Then I came to the flat 4705 in Orchid-4 - Embassy Residency - some of the Guru Maharaj's servants are staying here. And opposite to this flat, there is a devotee and in that flat Ramya Vrindavan Mataji got accommodated.

I went to take Guru Maharaj's Darshan - he got up late, as last night he slept at 2:30am. The IV line on his hand got bleeding, and pain. So, night a nurse came and changed it. Then around 5:30am he went to toilet, and his whole sleep got disturbed said morning shift devotees.

Around 11am, I met Guru Maharaj, he asked me about the updates of my visit to Coimbatore etc. After updating him. I asked Guru Maharaj, "Since you are not allowed to go to Temple today, and today is a very special day. So, can we arrange for a Gaura Nitai deity for Abhishek here?" Guru Maharaj said, "If you can arrange it - I will be happy to do Abhishek. Whose Deity you got?" I said, "Ramya Vrindavan Mataji's Gaura Nitai is also staying with her - next to the servants flat." Then Guru Maharaj said, "Okay!"

I just came out, and Ramya Vrindavan Mataji was there, and I told here that we have to make all the arrangements as soon as possible. I also went with her to the flat, to get things ready.

And the lady of that flat - she is also devotee, helped Ramya Vrindavan Mataji to pack things and make all the necessary vessels for Abhishek and arati. At that time, Janakiram Candra Prabhu and his good wife Nanda Priya Nivedita Mataji also arrived with their car, so we all get into the car and reached the hospital. Gaura Nitai and all the paraphernalia were taken inside one by one. As some one may say in the hospital for carrying all these stuffs.

Then, we made the setup - made Gaura Nitai ready for Their bath. These Deities got a name from our beloved Guru Maharaj in 2011 (Vrindavan) - He gave Them a name "Doyal Nitai Sacinandana!" While everything was ready, suddenly doctors came to visit Guru Maharaj. Dr. Acarya Ratna Prabhu told the doctors that we have a festival here. As Guru Maharaj not able to go to temple, he will celebrate here.

After the discussions doctors left the room. And I went and told Guru Maharaj that, "The Lord is ready for Their bathing!" Guru Maharaj asked, "Do I have to remove my T-shirt and out chadar?" He was having lot of trouble to put and remove this T-shirt as there is a IV line. And I said, "Guru Maharaj, please, you no need to do all those, you can do Abhishek." Guru Maharaj somewhat agreed. And Guru Maharaj said, "Deva Gauranga Prabhu will help me doing the Abhishek." And also he asked for his Saligram sila. As today also Varaha Dvadasi. I tried to communicate to Goloka Prabhu, but couldn't reach him.

Then Guru Maharaj came and did Abhishek. After pouring milk, and yogurd. Guru Maharaj called, Ramya Vrindavan Mataji to do Abhishek also. And he asked the servant, and I said, "Guru Maharaj - if you do Abhishek, it is for all the disciples, the Lord will be happy taking bath from your hand." And we touched Guru Maharaj, and Guru Maharaj touched Deva Gauranga Pr, and completed the Abhishek. Due to fire alarm; we couldn't perform arati. Ramya Vrindavan Mataji took the deities and reached her flat to dress Them.

While doing Abhishek, somehow the news spread over, few matajis came to join. So, the room got crowded. Maha Varaha Prabhu was very much disappointed seeing this. Then he left the room. And slowly all the Matajis and devotees also left the room. Anita Gopinath Prabhu brought some caranamrita from temple - for Guru Maharaj.

Then after Abhishek, Guru Maharaj took his lunch. We also went to take our lunch. Then in the evening, I went to help in the afternoon shift.

As I got my ticket to Vaitheeswaran Temple - at 10:30pm. After serving for a while, I took leave from Guru Maharaj. He asked me, "Where are you going?" I explained him that, "I am going there to check Guru Maharaj's Naadi astrology - as a disciples - we want to know, how it can benefit Your health. And then will go to Sivakasi to check on printing." And Guru Maharaj kept his hand on my head and blessed me. And I touched my head on his lotus feet and took his blessings and left the hospital to Chennai temple for Darshan. Then reached railways station to catch my train.

Maha Varaha Prabhu wanted to know about Naadi, so he asked me to go. Let's see... (Personal Diary - Shyama Rasika Dasa)

22/JAN/2018 - Mumbai Aiport, India

(22/JAN/2018 - Mumbai Airport) Guru Maharaj asked what it is? And we were seeing the vending machine - which he had seen in many different countries in an advanced models etc. Then he started to see - what are the juice varieties are there. Then Radharaman Pr read out one by one. And everything had an added sugar in it. So we said to Guru Maharaj - we will give you some special fresh juices when we land in Chennai. And somehow manage to bring him from there.

Then after sometime, he called me and said, "Deva Gauranga is hungry, he told me." Then I told Maha Varaha Pr and then Guru Maharaj said, "Get something for him from that Vending Machine." And I said, "I think, Guru Maharaj you want something from it."

Guru Maharaj said, "No! no! Deva Gauranga is hungry. And Radharaman Pr said, " It has sugar." Then, Guru Maharaj said, "We have to take that out and then, read the ingredients.

So, we went got juices. And mixed fruit juice that Guru Maharaj wanted. And I said, " If there is sugar - then we will give it to - Deva Gauranga Pr. As he is a brahmana, and SANKIRTAN Bhakta." Guru Maharaj said, "Okay!" We got the juice and saw there was sugar.

And Guru Maharaj said, "When we taste - then only we can say it 100%." Then we said, "Okay!" And Guru Maharaj took, some 40ml out of 100ml and remaining Akarshaka Pr took it.

And everyone was laughing. And Gm also was laughing. Dr. Shyamlal Pr seeing all this, he couldn't understand what is going on here. The interaction with Guru here is totally different. And more than that, an ICU patient - doing all these things. And for anyone, it is very hard to digest his transcendental interactions.

18-19/JAN/2018 - Mumbai, India

(18-19/JAN/2018 - Mumbai)

Yesterday Guru Maharaj planned to go to Bhaktivedanta Hospital to get admitted for a day and get tapped and drain fluid from his abdomen. But somehow, as things get delay Guru Maharaj said, "Thursday especially Prabhupada said, we should not travel during 4:30pm to 7:30pm." So with some excuses it got cancelled and postponed to 19th.

Evening Guru Maharaj went to temple and prayed to Sri Sri Radha Rasabihari for long time and offered Arati to them - and then came back to his room and took his dinner, and Shyama Madhusudan Pr said, "Gopal Krishna Maharaj wants to meet you." Then Guru Maharaj said, "Yes! I am ready." And we heard that Maharaj will come in ten mins, but it took him 40mins. Meanwhile Guru Maharaj was doing exercises etc.

When Maharaj came he went on his kneel to offer obeisances to Guru Maharaj - but Guru Maharaj said, "No! Maharaj!" We can learn how much they are following very strictly all the etiquettes. Living as an example. He is 70+ years old. Then Guru Maharaj said, "Tomorrow I am going to Bhaktivedanta Hospital." Immediately Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaja said, "Please visit our Mira Road ISKCON Temple. I will call and inform them." Then Guru Maharaj said, "Yes! I have been there, Sri Sri Radha Giridhari Temple." And Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaja said, "I am leaving tomorrow to Jagannatha Puri, disciples yatra." Guru Maharaj asked, How many? 5000 disciples." Then Maharaj replied, "No! 3000." Guru Maharaj said, "So you will visit all Caitanya Mahaprabhu's lila places?" Maharaj said, "No! I will stay in one place and deliver one lecture a day." And Guru Maharaj showed Shyama Madhusudan Pr and said, "He is Jagannatha Devotee, he like Puri very much." Like this the discussion started and went for 30mins - and we all left the room - as there was a discussion about Management. Guru Maharaj went to bed early by 10pm.

Today Guru Maharaj schedule to leave around 10:30am to Bhaktivedanta Hospital. But, somehow things got delayed and got ready to leave around 12pm. I went and helped Guru Maharaj to get into the car and send off to the hospital. As Subhanga Govinda Pr and I are doing the Afternoon shift - we are told to bring Guru Maharaj lunch Prasadam. So Prasanna Gauranga Pr cooked the lunch and in Madhuri Mamatamayi Mataji's car we drove to the Hospital - it took around 1:15 hrs from Juhu - due to traffic.

Guru Maharaj went first to Sri Sri Radha Giridhari temple and took darshan and then went the hospital. Guru Maharaj is a VIP in Bhaktivedanta Hospital. And he got his room in the 5th floor. And Maha Varaha Pr and Dr. Acarya Ratna Pr were in the next room.

And we entered the room and Guru Maharaj was getting ready for his lunch. Meanwhile, to take blood tests a Mataji with the nurse and took the blood. And she said, now in Bhaktivedanta Hospital we got our own pathology lab in the 6th floor. And there was a devotee Kavin Pr - who is married to Guru Maharaj's disciple Kanchanambha Radhika Devi Dasi and they both are from Bangalore and they are running this Pathology lab. So your blood reports will be ready by one hour. And Guru Maharaj blessed everyone.

And Vraja Sundar Pr from Bhaktivedanta Hospital explained to Guru Maharaj about Bhaktivedanta Hospital development, how they are trying to have one more wing or 8 story building and a cancer care unit, etc. And it will have 100 beds. Guru Maharaj asked him, "How many deluxe rooms you will have?" He said, "12!" Then Guru Maharaj said, "I had a VIP room in ILBS Hospital." And Vraja Sundar Pr said, "Yes! I will discuss and we will have a VIP room here as well." And then he said, "My daughter got married to your disciple Rama Krishna Pr's son." Then Guru Maharaj said, "So we are connected now in many ways." and everyone laughed. "Yes!"

Then I got the chance to feed Guru Maharaj. Somehow, after coming to Mumbai I am getting chance to feed Guru Maharaj lunch and dinner and evening fruits as only myself and Subhanga Govinda Pr is there - and local devotees help us. I am not able to do much services as I do before some 8 years back. So, I feed Prasadam to Guru Maharaj and help Subhanga Govinda Pr in his services. And he knows, what are the medicines to give etc. So he is my shift leader now. And this 8 hrs is completely keeping us busy with Guru Maharaj. Today Guru Maharaj gave Mamatamayi Mataji service to serve Prasadam on his plate, and I fed Prasadam to Guru Maharaj. He finds way to engage disciples. Guru Maharaj doesn't like to see anyone without doing service and wasting time. Sometime devotees just come and see Guru Maharaj - and he asks them, "Do you have any question?" They say, "No!" But they just stand and watch him. One time he said, "It very very uneasy when people simply stand and watch you for one hour and speak nothing and doesn't ask any question. They can do some service or do something."

After his lunch, Guru Maharaj was joking and playing with Akarshaka Caitanya Prabhu. Guru Maharaj said, "Tell the Maha-Mantra in reverse." ACD said, "Hare Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Rama Hare, Hare Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Krishna Hare" then Subhanga Pr said, "Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare." Guru Maharaj was laughing! Then ACD said, "Mahatma Pr said in one article or video how there are 32types of chanters." And one type is Rollacosta and he enacted how devotees fall sleep while chanting, and Guru Maharaj was doing the same with him. Like this Guru Maharaj was mocking him an laughing.

Then we made Guru Maharaj to lay down on his bed. And Dr. Shyamlal Pr came and prepared for the tapping. Mean while as usual there was a question from Guru Maharaj "Which side is East?" And Maha Varaha Prabhu, Subhanga Pr, AKarshaka Pr everyone took their mobile and checked their compass and came to a conclusion that this is East. And finally, Guru Maharaj said, "I will keep my head on South Side." As there was picture of Srila Prabhupada - so Guru Maharaj said, I want to see Srila Prabhupada. Guru Maharaj always say, "Best is to keep our head on the Eastern side. Or second choice is South."

And after settling down - Dr. Shyamlal Pr got ready to tap Guru Maharaj's stomach with a needle and drain fluids. I can't see this. So I went and waited in Maha Varaha Pr's room. It was evening 5:15pm. Then I entered Guru Maharaj room, the fluid was getting filled in a 5 litre plastic can. And Guru Maharaj was feeling lot of pain - as he got in his buttocks, so when Guru Maharaj lay down, or sits on a hard surface - the pain was intolerable. As the tapping was going on and he was telling us - my back is paining a lot. But we couldn't do anything. Until the tapping get over - we can't move him or do anything. Estimated time for tapping was 1:30mins for six litres.

And I said to Guru Maharaj, "I got a pain killer for you. And I have seen that this pain killer only works for you. It is reading Caitanya Caritamrita." I asked him, "Shall I read?" He said, "Please read." The whole Caitanya Caritamrita is Nectar - but Guru Maharaj like Madhya Lila so much. So I selected Madhya Lila. And I thought, if we read South India Tour of Mahaprabhu, or Beda Kirtan, or Vrindavan Visit, or His Santipur Pastime - all these will give immediate ecstasy to Guru Maharaj - and if he get into ecstasy - and it will be difficult to control him. And it will also become disturbance for the treatment as his pulse rate it high. Thinking all of those, I selected the last chapter of Madhya Lila "How all the residence of Varanasi Become a Vaisnavas." Thought it is full of philosophical and mainly quotations so let me read this.

And I started to read, Guru Maharaj forgotten his pain in second verse which was, "Jaya Jaya Sri Caitanya Jaya Nityananda..." then I continued reading... until text 60. He was enjoying each and every line of Caitanya Caritamrita and Srila Prabhupada's purports. In this chapter Srila Prabhupada explains about six systems of philosophy. And one says, from atom is coming everything, another says from nature comes everything - when I was readying these lines - Guru Maharaj was saying "No!" And he was nodding his head and saying, "No!" From Krishna's body is material, "No!" When Krishna comes to this material world He get contaminated, "No!" Like this he was very much into it. And when Mahaprabhu say, "Harer Nama Harer Nama Verse," from his eyes tears started roll down, and said, "Yes! Yes!" He was in ecstasy. Seeing that... and Dr. Acharyaratna Pr was putting albumin - I stopped reading and went to Maha Varaha Pr's room.

If he gets into ecstasy. It also may give some trouble in this treatment time - thinking that. I went with Maha Varaha Prabhu to collect blood report. The personality with whom we are interacting - is most exalted associate of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. But due to ignorance most of the time I have done lot of offences. It is very difficult to serve Acharyas.

Around 7pm the tapping was over and 6 litres of fluid was taking out. Guru Maharaj did His Gayathri chanting. And when we came back, Shyama Madhusudan Pr also was back from his granny's home. As his grandpa is sick, he went to see them who staying near by Bhaktivedanta Hospital.

Guru Maharaj asked him, "How is your grandpa?" And he said about them, and about his preaching to them. And he took his grandma to temple, etc. Then Guru Maharaj got down and sat on his chair and took his dinner. And said, "Tomorrow morning I will be discharged and go to Juhu." And I told Guru Maharaj that, "I want to stay in Tamil Nadu for three months." Guru Maharaj asked, "Why?" "To prepare me to settle in my asrama. May be in some temple. And do some projects, and I will continue my service to Archives and Publications." He said, "Okay!" After Vyasa-puja.

After completing his dinner Guru Maharaj went to bed again to continue his albumin. Around 6 to 8 devotees were there to take Darshan of Guru Maharaj. And when I saw, I informed Maha Varaha Pr and he said, "No darshan, send them all. And ask them to come tomorrow morning 10am. While Guru Maharaj going to temple - then can take darshan. And Guru Maharaj is in this condition taking his treatment. It won't be nice to let the devotees in to take darshan." And I went and explained and sent all the devotees out. After 30mins, Guru Maharaj asked, "Is there any devotees outside?" And some devotee said, "Yes! The devotees came we sent them back - asked them to come tomorrow morning 10am." Guru Maharaj got angry, "I may leave the hospital around 8am. Go and bring all the devotees." And I said, "we sent the devotees 30mins back." Now it is 9pm. Now they must have gone back to their home." Guru Maharaj said, "No! You go to ground floor - they must be there." And we were not able to say no. So I went out, and one Mataji with her two kinds were standing outside. And she said, "I just came back to see, if I can get some Guru Maharaj maha-Prasadam." Then I said, "Juat wait - don't go anywhere." And went inside and told Guru Maharaj "one devotee has come back!" Guru Maharaj said, "I called her back." Then she came inside with her kids, Guru Maharaj blessed them all and asked her, "How are you?" She said, "I am not good!" Then Guru Maharaj asked her problems and blessed her. And gave hand to her kids, and made them cheerful - and then she went with joy of meeting Guru Maharaj. And I thought inside me as you all, "Why she has to say, I am not good? Guru Maharaj is in this health condition and he might feel bad, etc." But in a min, I thought - I should not think him as an ordinary person. Because, he has solution for everything — that solution is KRISHNA. And he has KRISHNA in his heart. And he is not affected by these three modes - he is Uttama. And he is here as a Guru to give solution. So, why we should think like this.

The night shift devotees came to join — Golokesvara Pr, Guru Gaura Krishna Pr and Nataraj Pr - and we took leave from Guru Maharaj. Thinking that tomorrow morning Guru Maharaj will get discharged and come to Juhu temple. (Personal Diary — Shyama Rasika Dasa)

12/JAN/2018 - Chennai, India

(12/JAN/2018 - Chennai) Today is Ratha-yatra day. Somehow, devotees not able to get permission from police. And they rejected our request. Even though last 35+ years the Ratha-yatra festival is happening here. They didn't give permission. Finally, devotees got a permission to do Ratha-yatra around Kabalisvarar Temple.

Due to this unpredictable situation, our beloved Guru Maharaj also not able to decide whether to go for inauguration or there won't be Ratha-yatra festival at all? Finally, Guru Maharaj decided to come directly to Mandapal (hall) were normally there will be a evening cultural programs, and lectures.

So, Janakirama Candra Pr, Golokesvara Govinda Pr, Sarvamangala Harinam Pr, Tulasi Ramana Pr and I reached Ratham spot and Bhanu Maharaj and Sukadeva Maharaj did the inauguration of the Ratha-yatra and then Jagannatha's procession started. After that, we came to Mandapam and waited for Guru Maharaj.

Around 4:10pm Guru Maharaj reached Mandapam. While he was getting out from the car he saw Rupesh Pr and me and said, "Oh! Coimbatore and Tirupati is here!" Then Guru Maharaj said to Rupesh Pr, "Yesterday, you sent Tirupati Laddus and when I gave to Nurses in the Hospital, they were so happy. And they said, it is very difficult to get Tirupati Laddu. For this we have to wait for so.many hours in a queue." Then Guru Maharaj entered the hall, and Amarendra Gaura Pr welcomed Guru Maharaj with a simple welcoming - with fruits in a plate.

Then Guru Maharaj entered in his room, and was talking to Janakiram Candra Pr about Facebook "likes" and a discussion was about how to increase it - how to get all the disciple and well-wishers to like Guru Maharaj's page. So that in one place Guru maharaj can address all his disciples.

Then Tirupati devotees offered a "Mega Laddu" Prasadam. And Guru Maharaj asked, "Why they offer this big? Is this for wedding mahotsava?" And everyone started to laugh. And Guru Maharaj went to bed. And he will give evening lecture. (Personal Diary - Syama Rasika dasa)